Heavy

heav·y

a. Weighed down; burdened 

b. Emotionally weighed down; despondent 

c. Marked by or exhibiting weariness 

d. Sad or painful

Emotionally heavy. This is one word I can think of to explain how I have been feeling lately. I have gone thru an array of emotions since returning from treatment. Some good and some bad. But overall I want to share something that has been heavy on my heart since I have been back...

I find myself asking the questions what does it mean to love God and love people? We all have heard the saying a million times and act like its super easy but in my journey this past few months, the lines have become blurred. I want to start with what I have learned about loving people. Im still working out some things on what it means to truly love God in my life right now so I will share on what he has taught me so far. 

The Lord has truly humbled me and rocked my world on teaching me how to love. I could sit here and write a checklist of things like put others needs before yours, say kind words, give hugs and smile etc etc. And all though those are acts of kindness, the Lord has taught me another side of love. For this season of my life I believe the Lord has been teaching me to love without judgement. And I am talking about those people who are hard to love. I do not want to sound offensive about the church or christians because we are one body but when did we ever get the idea to judge others based on their sin compared to ours? Sin is sin. Just because our sin may look different than someone else's doesn't mean we are superior. 

 The Lord has broken my heart lately for those who are trapped by drugs, addictions, or abuse. I admit to being guilty as well but I use to judge them and think just get it together. Don't you see what your doing? That is so dumb, you obviously cant love the Lord if you cant see all the stupid decisions your making. Well, the Lord definitely turned that one around on me! Going through my treatment and hearing so many girls stories it really opened my eyes to how broken our world is and how many are hurting. I often would look around and think about these girls lives and think gosh, no wonder we all have eating disorders. I was flipping through the tv channels the other night and saw the tv show intervention was on. I started watching for a few minutes and this man had sores all over his entire body from injecting drugs to any and every part of skin he had left. He looked so lost, helpless, and confused.


I began to cry for him and my heart broke. After a few minutes of his story they revealed he had been abused for many years as a child. I have found that almost every person I know who has struggled with any kind of addiction or substance ruling their life there is always a reason of deep pain and hurt. We have a choice on how to respond to those situations but we are so quick to judge people on what they struggle with.

 I sat there and started thinking...Why would I judge someone on their sin struggles? I used to think well I don't do drugs, I mean I lied to a friend but that guy over there murdered someone. I feel bad for him because he is absolutely terrible compared to me. THIS IS NOT LOVE. Love is about showing compassion and not condemning that person for messing up. Instead of offering advice on how to stop being bad and how to be good why don't we show them love and grace just like our father has shown us over and over! Once we see what we have been saved from, its a natural response to show others that same compassion. I am embarrassed to admit I have not loved everyone the way Christ has intended but its true. I believe my misunderstanding of these issues ultimately goes back to a misunderstanding of who my God is and who I am without Him. 

Verses from Ephesians and Romans states that we were hopeless, orphans, children of wrath, helpless, sinful, lost,separated from God, deserving of God's wrath, far away, excluded, and ultimately dead. So I sit and think...without Christ I am all these things. Which drives me to love Him more and more and also allows me to love those who are still lost. I have met a lot of people who have been hurt by christians and their judgements. If you are one those people and reading this please listen to me. Jesus is perfect and loves without limits. The church is made up of humans, who are not perfect. We are sinners only saved by grace. Sinners mess up and are not perfect. I am not excusing any wrong doings or hurt you may have done to you but please remember we are people who mess up just like you do. Do not put your anger towards sinners onto God. He wants all to come to him and to accept his love. But like I said, the church is made of sinners saved by Him and we all mess up but our Savior doesn't.  Here is a passage about love from the Message Translation:

Love never gives up.
Love cares more for others than for self.
Love doesn’t want what it doesn’t have.
Love doesn’t strut,
Doesn’t have a swelled head,
Doesn’t force itself on others,
Isn’t always “me first,”
Doesn’t fly off the handle,
Doesn’t keep score of the sins of others,
Doesn’t revel when others grovel,
Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,
Puts up with anything,
Trusts God always,
Always looks for the best,
Never looks back,
But keeps going to the end.

As I continue on my journey in my life I am realizing more and more that its all about love. Pure love. Not forced love and the mindset I want to be a good person so I will love people. That is religion my friends. The kind of love that can keep loving despite circumstances is the kind that we get from loving our heavenly father. He gives us the ability to love others and being filled up by him then comes the natural response to his love- you HAVE to share that with others!!! 

"And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. ³⁹ No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord." 

Romans 8:38-3

I want to encourage everyone reading this today to love those who are hurting. Love those you don't know. Love those who hard to love. When we stand before our Father in the new kingdom I highly doubt we will say we wish we would have loved less and judged more! Never forget the creator of the world, the one who formed us in our mother's womb, the one who has seen every tear shed and hurt feeling that no else has seen, the eternal king, loves us so much that he gave his life for us.