"No eye has seen, no ear has heard, and no mind has imagined what God has prepared for those who love him."-1 Corinthians 2:9
I have known this truth but for a while but the reality has just now hit me. I'm in a place I never thought I would be. But, God always seems to surprise me with His wonderful plans.....
Im beginning a new journey, entering into healing. My new residency for the summer is Remuda Life in Chandler Arizona. Yes, I am in recovery for an eating disorder. I did not want to tell many people I was here because I was ashamed and overwhelmed with emotions when I was preparing to leave. But this isn't my story to keep secret. When darkness is revealed Christs light shines even brighter. Everyone has struggles and we want to keep them locked away in our hearts and minds for no one else to see. I believe this is what keeps us from truly being healed from past or present struggles. I am in the beginning stages of recovery and taking one day at a time. Its been one of the hardest things I have ever done, but I know this is where I need to be. I instantly felt peace when I arrived and knew this was right. I feel as if i've been here forever and I'm living in a dream. I wake up each morning confused and think is this really my life right now? Am i really in recovery for an eating disorder? Some days the reality is overwhelming but mostly I live in a hazy fog of reality.
Originally I said 30 days and that all I need. But the Lord has literally taken every ounce of control I had ( or what I thought I had at least) and revealed to me how much I try to control my life and place Him in the backseat. So now I am seeing what surrender and becoming a servant to Him really means. He has blessed me with a willing spirit and I will not put a limit on my recovery. Whether it is 30, 60, 90 or more days I don't care. I just want to be healed and restored from this disorder which I have fought my entire life.
My relationship with Jesus has been effected by my relationship with ED(eating disorder) For someone who has never struggled with this cant fully understand but just to let you know having ED is a full time job and commitment. The amount of time thinking, planning, and obsessing is absolutely exhausting. This left no time for my first love, Jesus. He took the second place in my heart. I cringe as I write those words but its true. I think about the Israelites and the golden calf they made into an idol and worshiped. This is what I have done with ED. He was in control and had power over me. I did whatever he said and chose to find my own happiness instead of true joy that comes from the Lord. But I am excited, nervous, and terrified about what God has planned for this season of life. But for now I am trying to relax and let purification and refinement happen. It hurts more that I can ever fully express and sometimes im overwhelmed with hopelessness. But the Lord gave me this verse before I came to treatment and he keeps bringing me back
This is my command--be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or
discouraged. For the LORD your God is with you wherever you go."-Joshua 1:9
So, right now I'm in the pit. Its hard and I want to give up and say everything is fine, I'm okay. But its not. I'm learning to trust despite the fear of the unknown. A huge reason I am sharing this is because I NEED as many prayers as possible. This is not going to be an easy journey so I ask you would continually intercede on my behalf. Its time for healing and a new chapter to unfold. Sooo here we go....
I do not have my cell phone and will not until I go home. I get internet once a week but please feel free to write me or send me goody packages! My address is
Kailey Kemp
111 S. Hearthstone Way
Chandler, AZ 85226
