Beauty

"Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.

Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth.

Blessed are those who hunger and thirst after righteousness,

for they will be filled.

Blessed are the merciful, for they shall be shown mercy.

Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God.

Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called the sons of God.

Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven"

Matthew 5:3-10

Inspired by beauty. This is what beauty looks like

Some of these photos are mine, some are my friends, and some represent women of great faith whom I admire. And this, well this is the most beautiful sound on earth. Oh how she sings, "I've never seen you Lord disappointing me"

Happy Friday

The Screw Up

 This is Christmas: not the tinsel, not the giving and receiving, not even the carols, but the humble heart that receives anew the wondrous gift, the Christ.

- Frank McKibben

Christmas. It is finally almost here!!!  Cold weather, sweaters, scarves, family, and Christmas decorations have arrived.  Even though the holidays can be hectic and busy, I always find myself with this feeling of peace as the year winds down. For the past few years I have come home from college on Christmas break and I feel as if I can breathe again after school, finals, and all the busyness. This year I shall not return to Oxford in six weeks like usual because I have officially graduated! The reality of it all has not sunk in but when it does I am sure I will be an emotional wreck. But until then, the Lord is showing me a different side of Him this Christmas season. And I couldn't be more thankful...

Most of us know the story of Christmas, and what a sweet story it is!  "She will bear a son, and you shall call his name Jesus, for he will save his people from their sins." -Matthew 1:21. I believe for myself and most Christians, we try so hard to stay focused on the true meaning of Christmas. But to be honest I often find myself lost in translation and anticipating Christmas day while running around like a crazy woman and when the day arrives it flies by in no time! Next thing I know its already mid January. I get beyond distracted with the to do lists and Christmas chaos. But this year is different. Once again, He is teaching me a lesson about why He came, how much I need Him, and His unfathomable overwhelming love.


I recently was listening to a sermon about a married couple who had problems with infertility.  After years of struggling with this issue, the Lord blessed them with a perfectly healthy sweet baby. While the newborn was still in the hospital a nurse made a mistake and gave their child medication that was meant for someone one else. Since the baby was so young this medicine caused permanent brain and nerve damage. The couples pastor came to the hospital to visit them and when he walked in the mother was rocking their precious little baby. The pastor said, "I don't know what to say, I am so sorry." The lady just looked at him and smiled and began to tell the story of what she had already learned from her baby. She said, "From the worlds perspective no one would want this child. He will never be able to live on his own, go the bathroom by himself, change his clothes, or do anything without someones help. He probably wont even know that he needs help and will never be able to give me anything in return. But I don't care, I would do anything for my child and I love him regardless. I had an image of people gathered around and they held my baby up and said who would want this broken incomplete person? And I stood up gladly and said I want it. He is mine and I love Him. Don't you see pastor? This is what Jesus did for us! He knew I would be a lot of work. He knew I would mess up. He knew everything. But he willingly, joyfully stood up and said,

I WANT HER. SHE IS MINE."

I was so overwhelmed by this story and wanted to scream at the top of my lungs I am that baby! Jesus stood up and said He wanted me! Then two days later I was having a conversation over the phone with one of my dearest friends and we were discussing a girl he liked. He said, "I was looking around and started thinking, I am the good Christian guy who is pursuing the screw up." It immediately hit my heart like a ton of bricks. I paused for a long time. Then I said stop stop! Repeat what you just said. He said it again and then I started screaming yes your so right! Don't you get it?! What a beautiful picture of the gospel! That is what Jesus did for us, he pursued the screw up! The one who was helpless, a slave to sin, evil in their very nature from birth. Me, Kailey Kemp, and everyone else God created for His glory. We are the screw ups that He came for. I am humbled by the fact that an all perfect and Holy God left Heaven to come to this world to redeem the screw ups.

I think about his birth and how he entered the world. In a manger. No room anywhere but there. And I am sure people looked at Mary and Joseph as the "screw ups" Unwed. Pregnant. Sinners. BUT then the one foretold, He came. And oh the glory and splendor of our sweet Jesus! 

"Though he was God,

    he did not think of equality with God

    as something to cling to.

⁷ 

Instead, he gave up his divine privileges

    he took the humble position of a slave

    and was born as a human being.

When he appeared in human form,

⁸ 

    he humbled himself in obedience to God

    and died a criminal’s death on a cross."

Philippians 2:6-8

On hearing this, Jesus said to them, "It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners."-Mark 2:17. Every time I hear this verse I want to jump up and down like a small child and raise my hand while screaming thats me! Thats me! We can look down on others and compare our sin to theirs and think yes, Jesus did have to come for those people. But friends, the ground before the cross is all the same. We all are on the same level in need of Jesus.  We are not to wallow in our sin but rejoice that we have a Savior, the one who rides the white horse, who cleanses us by his precious blood! Celebrate our redemption and freedom! As this month goes on I pray for myself and others that this love story will become new again, because it truly is the sweetest love ever known. Happy Birthday month Jesus!

"Brokenness Aside"

All sons and daughters

Will your grace run out

If I let you down 

‘Cause all I know

Is how to run

‘Cause I am a sinner 

If its not one thing its another

Caught up in words 

Tangled in lies 

You are the Savior 

And you take brokenness aside

And make it beautiful 

Beautiful 

Will you call me child

When I tell you lies 

Cause all I know 

Is how to cry 

I am a sinner 

If its not one thing its another 

Caught up in words 

Tangled in lies 

You are the Savior 

And you take brokenness aside

And make it beautiful 

Beautiful 

You make it beautiful

You make it beautiful

Miracles. Let me tell ya.

I want to take a minute and reflect on the goodness of God. But To be honest, my personal relationship with the Lord has seen better times. I am still in a weird transition stage of my life and He has taken a back seat due to all the craziness. I know He is there guiding me each step but my feelings most days seem to outweigh my knowledge. So with that said, I want to share a story that will hopefully bring hope and remind myself of the miracles he performs each and every single day. I want to share about one of my dearest friends from treatment and her journey. I will call her "Rachel"

I will never forget the first day I met Rachel. She was one of my roommates and She was nice but very quiet and withdrawn. As the days went on I thought wow she really hates me. I have always been very open about my feelings and if I am upset I usually will let the whole world know it. Rachel was the complete opposite and I could never figure out what she was thinking. One night at dinner she expressed her discomfort when myself and another roommate would hug or touch her. I thought to myself what is wrong with her? Who doesn't like hugs? But I tried to respect her personal space and love her anyway I could. At the beginning I remember this numbness and lifeless look in her eyes. We all had that look but something inside of me resonated with Rachel.



One weekend Rachel really opened up and I saw a completely new person emerge. This is where our lifelong friendship started. The Lord really allowed me to open up to her and vice versa. I don't even know where to begin with the journey this girl has had to walk on. She would always give small details about her past and what got her to treatment but nothing in detail. I don't remember when exactly she began to truly share but it took time. Its hard to explain this in writing because you had to see it to fully understand. This girl, one of the strongest women I know, has gone thru things that should have broken her and ultimately brought her to death. I am not going to explain in detail but to sum things up she has went thru numerous traumas, sexual abuse, and abusive relationships. The things Rachel has experienced are literally unfathomable to me. She never told anyone about some of these events for almost 20 years. That is a lot of pain that has been buried deep and never to be felt again. Being with Rachel during therapy and flashbacks of her previous traumas reminded me of how evil this world really is. But it also made The Lord's light shine that much brighter because He is our only hope.

Once she shared her life story and I was completely blown away. My heart just sank to my stomach and I remember having one of those moments where I thought God, I know you are good but why and how did you let this happen? Why her? If any other person would have experienced just one of her numerous trials they would have given up on life. My heart hurt so bad for my precious friend and I knew there was nothing I could do but pray. Somewhere in between all of this we would discuss God and what he meant to both of us. I found it was pretty common for girls to run to the Lord during this time of treatment because literally they had no where else to go. Rachel had a catholic background but over the years had fallen away from the Lord. One day I was having a  really hard day recovery wise and I remember rachel coming up to me and she said,
 "I don't know if this is the correct wording so don't quote me on this but I read in Jesus Calling something about I can do all things through Christ who strengthen me,So you can do this with His help right?" My face lit up like a kid on Christmas morning and I said yes, thats exactly what it means!! It was the sweetest purest moment of seeing the Lord begin to work.

I called all my friends and family and told them to be on their hands and knees every day praying for this girl. The Lord specifically told me this is one of the reasons why I sent you here. To start a lifelong friendship and most importantly share the love of Jesus. We discussed the Lord many times and I shared how Jesus died for our sins and now we are free from our pasts and forgiven by His blood. This conversation and many others were just steps along the way for God's greater plan. There were so many nights I would cry over the spiritual battle that was happening over this precious child of the Lord. I have never felt or seen such an apparent war going on within someone. 

"The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly." -John 10:10

As time went on I began to see small changes and Rachel began to laugh and smile again. A girl who once would have a mini panic attack with physical tough was now hugging me, holding me while I cried, and scratching my back when I had a hard day. She started voicing her feelings and expressing emotion. Like i said earlier, it is hard to explain in words but this was a HUGE step. Rachel even started crying, screaming, and feeling on a normal basis. This happening would be the equivalent to a deaf person waking up one day and magically beginning to hear!  She had always been the "perfect girl" on the outside and always happy while pleasing others. But the Lord literally broke down every comfort she had. She was helpless, no where else to run. 

I cannot exactly pinpoint where all of this happened but after I left remuda we spoke on the phone a few weeks later and something different was in her voice. She talked about how her relationship with the Lord had grown and her strength was coming from him. Many days before this she didn't want to live. All hope was lost and her life was utterly in shambles and there seemed to be no way to escape all the pain and abuse that she had endured. There were so many days where I thought the the eating disorder would take her life. I was so scared and  would cry begging the Lord to heal her and keep her alive. 

"Whatever you ask in my name, this I will do, that the Father may be glorified in the Son. If you ask me anything in my name, I will do it" -John 14:13-14

 But this time when I spoke to her, there was faith. There was trust. There was love. She began to encourage me in the Lord, quote scripture, and share her actual feelings. I was absolutely blown away and then it hit me. The revelation I had is why I wanted to share this story.

  Y'all my Jesus is amazing. Indescribable. Powerful. Holy. Loving. Forgiving. 

The list goes on and on!! I have seen the Lord do amazing things but the work he has done in Rachel is truly is a miracle. I saw the beginning girl. I saw the painful pruning and the purification process. Now I get to see the transformation. NO ONE IS EVER TOO FAR GONE FOR GOD TO REDEEM. I want to encourage everyone reading this that God is a mighty force! We all say yeah I will pray about that, or when disaster strikes we go to prayer. I have been beyond blessed to be able to pray and see the fruit from it but that is not always the case. 

Praying moves mountains and changes lives. I know I am so casual about my prayer life and recently lost that passion to get on my knees every day and go to the Lord with thankfulness and interceding on the behalf of others. But as the body of Christ we have to!!! Even if we do not see the results it does not mean our prayers are not being heard. This is where faith comes in. True faith grows when we have to trust. Blind faith is hard and the enemy tells us to give up when we don't see instant gratification. THIS IS A LIE. This is what he wants us to think so we will stop praying. He knows the power of prayer and if all Christians truly understood the magnitude of this gracious privilege, I believe we would never stop praying.  

“The one concern of the devil is to keep Christians from praying.  He fears nothing from prayerless studies, prayerless work and prayerless religion. He laughs at our toil, mocks at our wisdom, but he trembles when we pray.”  Samuel Chadwick

With all this said, I am blown away by God's grace in Rachel's life. And I know his work is not over with her. He has a mighty plan that He is going to use her for and I cannot wait to see how it unfolds! But friends keep on praying. Pray hard. Pray with faith. Let Rachel's story inspire you that God still performs miraculous wonders. He didn't just part the red sea, turn water into wine and then stop. He can and will do things that seem impossible, because that is who He is.

Always be joyful.  Never stop praying Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you who belong to Christ Jesus. - 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

Heavy

heav·y

a. Weighed down; burdened 

b. Emotionally weighed down; despondent 

c. Marked by or exhibiting weariness 

d. Sad or painful

Emotionally heavy. This is one word I can think of to explain how I have been feeling lately. I have gone thru an array of emotions since returning from treatment. Some good and some bad. But overall I want to share something that has been heavy on my heart since I have been back...

I find myself asking the questions what does it mean to love God and love people? We all have heard the saying a million times and act like its super easy but in my journey this past few months, the lines have become blurred. I want to start with what I have learned about loving people. Im still working out some things on what it means to truly love God in my life right now so I will share on what he has taught me so far. 

The Lord has truly humbled me and rocked my world on teaching me how to love. I could sit here and write a checklist of things like put others needs before yours, say kind words, give hugs and smile etc etc. And all though those are acts of kindness, the Lord has taught me another side of love. For this season of my life I believe the Lord has been teaching me to love without judgement. And I am talking about those people who are hard to love. I do not want to sound offensive about the church or christians because we are one body but when did we ever get the idea to judge others based on their sin compared to ours? Sin is sin. Just because our sin may look different than someone else's doesn't mean we are superior. 

 The Lord has broken my heart lately for those who are trapped by drugs, addictions, or abuse. I admit to being guilty as well but I use to judge them and think just get it together. Don't you see what your doing? That is so dumb, you obviously cant love the Lord if you cant see all the stupid decisions your making. Well, the Lord definitely turned that one around on me! Going through my treatment and hearing so many girls stories it really opened my eyes to how broken our world is and how many are hurting. I often would look around and think about these girls lives and think gosh, no wonder we all have eating disorders. I was flipping through the tv channels the other night and saw the tv show intervention was on. I started watching for a few minutes and this man had sores all over his entire body from injecting drugs to any and every part of skin he had left. He looked so lost, helpless, and confused.


I began to cry for him and my heart broke. After a few minutes of his story they revealed he had been abused for many years as a child. I have found that almost every person I know who has struggled with any kind of addiction or substance ruling their life there is always a reason of deep pain and hurt. We have a choice on how to respond to those situations but we are so quick to judge people on what they struggle with.

 I sat there and started thinking...Why would I judge someone on their sin struggles? I used to think well I don't do drugs, I mean I lied to a friend but that guy over there murdered someone. I feel bad for him because he is absolutely terrible compared to me. THIS IS NOT LOVE. Love is about showing compassion and not condemning that person for messing up. Instead of offering advice on how to stop being bad and how to be good why don't we show them love and grace just like our father has shown us over and over! Once we see what we have been saved from, its a natural response to show others that same compassion. I am embarrassed to admit I have not loved everyone the way Christ has intended but its true. I believe my misunderstanding of these issues ultimately goes back to a misunderstanding of who my God is and who I am without Him. 

Verses from Ephesians and Romans states that we were hopeless, orphans, children of wrath, helpless, sinful, lost,separated from God, deserving of God's wrath, far away, excluded, and ultimately dead. So I sit and think...without Christ I am all these things. Which drives me to love Him more and more and also allows me to love those who are still lost. I have met a lot of people who have been hurt by christians and their judgements. If you are one those people and reading this please listen to me. Jesus is perfect and loves without limits. The church is made up of humans, who are not perfect. We are sinners only saved by grace. Sinners mess up and are not perfect. I am not excusing any wrong doings or hurt you may have done to you but please remember we are people who mess up just like you do. Do not put your anger towards sinners onto God. He wants all to come to him and to accept his love. But like I said, the church is made of sinners saved by Him and we all mess up but our Savior doesn't.  Here is a passage about love from the Message Translation:

Love never gives up.
Love cares more for others than for self.
Love doesn’t want what it doesn’t have.
Love doesn’t strut,
Doesn’t have a swelled head,
Doesn’t force itself on others,
Isn’t always “me first,”
Doesn’t fly off the handle,
Doesn’t keep score of the sins of others,
Doesn’t revel when others grovel,
Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,
Puts up with anything,
Trusts God always,
Always looks for the best,
Never looks back,
But keeps going to the end.

As I continue on my journey in my life I am realizing more and more that its all about love. Pure love. Not forced love and the mindset I want to be a good person so I will love people. That is religion my friends. The kind of love that can keep loving despite circumstances is the kind that we get from loving our heavenly father. He gives us the ability to love others and being filled up by him then comes the natural response to his love- you HAVE to share that with others!!! 

"And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. ³⁹ No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord." 

Romans 8:38-3

I want to encourage everyone reading this today to love those who are hurting. Love those you don't know. Love those who hard to love. When we stand before our Father in the new kingdom I highly doubt we will say we wish we would have loved less and judged more! Never forget the creator of the world, the one who formed us in our mother's womb, the one who has seen every tear shed and hurt feeling that no else has seen, the eternal king, loves us so much that he gave his life for us.